


What We Are to Each Other

by panlesters



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: 2009 Era (Phandom), Christmas, Coming Out, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mild Angst, Slow Dancing, Snow, but it's over quick i promise, just a lot of fluff with a little side of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-21
Updated: 2019-12-21
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:14:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21891979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/panlesters/pseuds/panlesters
Summary: So maybe they both suck at communication. Maybe Dan needs to talk to Phil about what they are to each other. And maybe Phil needs to sit his parents down and tell them that big, slightly scary thing about himself. But maybe it'll all work itself out, one way or another.
Relationships: Dan Howell/Phil Lester
Comments: 13
Kudos: 115
Collections: Phandom Fic Fests Holiday Exchange 2019





	What We Are to Each Other

**Author's Note:**

  * For [manchestereyes](https://archiveofourown.org/users/manchestereyes/gifts).



> this was So So much fun to write, i loved all the prompts so much but this one had the potential for everything i love writing so it was the easy pick!  
> i hope you like it @phloridas!! have a great holiday season <3  
> massive massive thank you to bee @ttlmt for beta-ing this fic!! couldnt have done it without you thank you!!  
> enjoy!

Phil hasn’t really thought about it that much. In all honesty, he’s managed to repress it quite well over the last couple of months. But all it takes is Martyn bringing it up over a Skype call for him to be thrown in head-first. 

“So, what are your plans for Christmas?” Martyn is sat in his office chair, a mug of coffee in his hand. They have these calls quite a lot now that Martyn’s moved out, and Phil has come to enjoy them more than he thought he would. 

“Dan’s coming over for a few days,” Phil replies. He curls up further on his bed, cupping his own mug of coffee tight. “He’s gonna be here ‘till Christmas eve.”

“Shit,” Martyn says, raising his eyebrows. “You’ve only just met and you’re already doing Christmas together?”

“I want him to see the North in the snow,” Phil shrugs. He _really_ wants to see Dan in the snow. He also just wants to see Dan. And hey, Christmas is important to him. He wants to share it with someone who is equally as important to him. 

“Have you told mum?” Martyn asks tentatively. “About Dan and… you?” 

It comes rushing back to him then. “Fuck.” He can feel the anxiety suddenly flood into his body. His hands begin to shake, then his arms, until his whole body feels cold. 

“You okay there?” Martyn asks after a second. 

“I… I just hadn’t thought about it at all.” 

“At _all_?” Phil can hear the doubt in his voice. 

“I guess I just blocked it out,” Phil shrugs tensely. He’s never been good at nonchalance. “I just… wanted it to stop worrying me. I wanted to just be happy a while.” It’s the truth. He was hiding his romantic escapades from his parents for four years at uni, and he really didn’t think this was going to be any different. But he can hear his voice begin to quiver and suddenly he wants to be anywhere except here, talking to Martyn. 

“That’s okay, you know,” Martyn says softly. “You don’t have to tell her anything you don’t want to.” 

Phil takes a deep breath and nods slowly. He’s not looking at Martyn. He’s staring down at a green square on his duvet cover, trying not to imagine coming out to his parents. 

“Hey,” Martyn says softly. Phil looks up then, brings his coffee mug closer to his chin. It’s stopped warming him up. “I’m sorry I said anything. I want you to be happy. I just want you to be able to be happy in front of mum and dad too.” 

Phil lies awake that night thinking about Dan. About Dan, about his parents, about being gay. October was only two months ago, but it already feels like an age has passed. It was a simpler time, when he didn’t have to worry about cuddling on the sofa or giving Dan a quick peck on the cheek in the kitchen when they made coffee. He supposes he really hadn’t thought about the restrictions this week would have. 

* * *

This isn’t really the feeling Dan was expecting when he began packing to go to Phil’s. He’s become pretty accustomed to the giddy feeling that starts in his stomach when he Skypes Phil or gets on the train to go to Manchester. But right now, all he feels is his stomach twisting with nerves. 

It’s not that he doesn’t want to go to Phil’s; it’s the fact that it’s been two perfect months of being somewhere between best friends and boyfriends. And he’s not sure how much longer it’s going to last. He’s never been this close to someone before. He feels like he finally has a best friend, and he wants to hold on to that for as long as possible. 

But now he thinks they might be more than best friends? He knows his feelings are mutual, but where do they go from here? He’s never dated a boy before. 

At least, when they’d spoken on Skype last night Phil had seemed nervous as well. Dan’s trying to ignore the part of him that wishes Phil was confident and knew what to do. Instead, he focuses on the comforting thought that he’s not alone in his anxiety.

* * *

Dan loves train rides. Especially long ones. The train to Manchester is one of his favourites. Or, at least, normally. Right now, he wishes he was somewhere else. Well, maybe not somewhere else, but with a few distractions. Silent trains are easy places to get lost in thought, and he’s bored enough to entertain the story his subconscious has been putting together since he and Phil first started talking. 

It’s not going to last forever. No one’s ever wanted to be Dan’s best friend. He’s never been someone’s first choice, he’s no one’s go-to person. And now, all of a sudden, Phil is coming to _Dan_ of all people. Dan is the first person Phil tells about the exciting things, the bad things, the sad things, and everything in between. It’s almost too good to be true. 

The idea prickles down Dan’s spine and through his gut. It’s a strange position to be in. Terrified of endings and terrified of commitment. He thinks about how maybe commitment wouldn’t be so scary if it was with Phil. He pushes the thought away. If he lets himself get his hopes up and then everything falls, he’ll struggle to forgive himself. 

Dan turns up his music in an attempt to drown out his thoughts. The sound of Muse comforts him a little. It reminds him that he and Phil have things in common. They’re similar. There’s a basis for a friendship. It only adds a little logic to the thoughts in his mind, but a little logic is enough for now. 

When the train pulls in, Phil’s on the platform. Just like always. Dan’s nerves leave him for a second when they’re stood face to face, grinning like idiots. It’s a hopeful feeling, the relief of seeing Phil just as excited as he is. Sometimes, he has to play Phil’s voice over and over in his head, telling Dan that he is all in, as all in as Dan is. And other times, Dan just has to look at Phil. 

They’re quick to wrap their arms around each other, doing their best to ignore everyone else around them. It always amazes Dan how well they fit together. Phil’s mouth is right next to Dan’s ear when he whispers a “hi”. And maybe Dan’s letting himself get his hopes up. Maybe he’s going to let himself think about how happy Phil sounds in that one word. 

* * *

Dan loves how stepping through Phil’s front door feels like coming home. Phil’s mum offers him a big hug and a cup of coffee and he settles right in next to Phil on the sofa like he’s always belonged there. 

That’s what he really loves about being at Phil’s. Well, besides Phil, obviously. It’s so homely. They’re a _family_ in the way that Dan’s household has never been. Phil’s parents don’t fight. _Fuck_ , Phil’s parents being there at all makes Dan’s heart ache to think of his own. Phil gets on well with his brother in a way Dan never could. They eat together. They laugh together.

He stops himself. The last thing he wants is to turn Phil’s home from a place of happiness and freedom to one of jealousy. 

As soon as they’ve both finished their coffees, Phil excuses them to go up to his room. Dan’s nerves are all over the place, and he uses the few seconds of climbing the stairs to calm himself down. He’s half giddy at the thought of being alone with Phil, half terrified of letting himself fall further. 

He closes the door behind him and suddenly he is pushed up against it. In that second, the anxiety overrides the giddiness and he is pushing Phil off of him, gasping for air and trembling. 

“Phil stop, please, stop,” he whimpers in between breaths. Phil jumps back as if he’s been burnt. 

“Dan, oh my God, I’m so sorry, are you okay, are you-”

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” Dan breathes. He’s _not_ fine, he’s not at all fine, but the last thing he wants to do is dump all this anxiety on Phil.

“What did I do?” 

“You just surprised me, I guess,” Dan shrugs as he moves away from the door. 

“Can…can I touch you?” Phil asks gently. 

Dan melts a little at that. He nods softly before opening his arms for Phil to give him a massive bear hug. 

“I’m so sorry I scared you,” he murmurs into Dan’s ear. Dan puts on a brave face and presses a kiss to Phil’s cheek. 

“It’s okay,” he whispers back. He hates how his voice shakes as he says it. 

They end up cuddled together on Phil’s bed watching Buffy. Dan hasn’t watched any more since he’s been home because he loves when they watch it together. He’s truly engrossed in the episode when Phil moves his head down and begins to mouth at Dan’s neck. He squirms a little and giggles. 

“What are you doing, Lester?” 

Phil moves up to Dan’s jaw, scraping his teeth a little. “Nothing,” he says innocently. 

Dan thinks he’s okay enough to dip his head down and catch Phil’s lips, but it’s only a couple of seconds before he can feel his hands start to shake again and pulls back. 

“Dan…” 

“I’m- I’m fine,” Dan lies, “I don’t know what’s going on.” 

“Dan,” Phil says again, sterner this time. “ _Please_ , tell me what’s up. Do you not want this?” 

Dan shakes his head then. “ _No_! I mean, _yes_ , I want this. I want it so badly.” 

“Then what-”

“Do _you_ want this?” Dan asks suddenly. Phil is taken aback, and frowns for a second. 

“What the fuck does that mean?” he shuffles away from Dan a little. 

“Do you… do you really want me?” it’s almost silent by the end of the sentence. 

“Dan…” Phil is looking up at him with sad puppy eyes and he feels tears gathering in his eyes. “Of _course_ I want you.” 

Something in Dan makes him feel a little braver then, a little more like he’s not going to hate the answers to the questions he wants to ask. 

“How long are you going to want me?” his voice shakes but it’s louder, and a little more forceful. 

He sees the pain flash through Phil’s eyes for a second before something different, more reassuring and loving replaces it. 

“For as long as you’ll have me.” He moves a little closer to Dan then, not reaching out to touch him yet but letting Dan know he has the option to initiate some contact if he wants it. 

Dan feels a tear down his cheek as he sniffles a little. A quick fist comes up to rub the tear away, embarrassed. 

“I don’t wanna be rude,” he says quietly. “And I don’t want you to think I don’t believe you or trust you.” His voice is getting thicker and he really _can’t_ let Phil see him cry. “But no one’s ever really wanted me before, so I kind of struggle with that a bit.” He moves himself to the corner of Phil’s bed so he’s pressed against the two walls, and hugs his knees to his chest. Phil sits opposite him, allowing Dan the boundaries he’s set for himself. 

“Is that what this is about?” Phil asks softly. Dan nods. “How long have you felt like this?” 

“Probably…” he sniffs again, wiping his nose. “Probably since the start, at least a little.” He swallows. “But I guess the train ride today just let me get lost in my thoughts a little too much.” He laughs bitterly. “Sorry, I really didn’t want to even mention it to you.” 

Phil frowns at that. He desperately wants to reach out and grab Dan’s hand, but he doesn’t know where he stands with that and he wants Dan to have control of the situation.

“Dan, I want you to _always_ tell me if you’re feeling like this.” He says. “I want this to be a safe place for you, and if you’re scared or uncomfortable I want to do what I can to help you feel happy. Especially if it’s about our relationship.” 

Dan looks up at him then. “Is that what this is?” he’s quiet again. 

“It is if that’s what you want it to be.” 

Dan nods then. He begins to uncoil from where he’s curled in on himself. “I do. I really do.” He laughs a little then, and feels another couple of tears spill down from his cheeks. He takes a breath. “Does that mean you’re like… my boyfriend?” 

Phil breathes out a big relieved laugh at that. “Yeah, I guess it does.” He grins up at Dan. “It means you’re my boyfriend too.” 

“Can I kiss you?” Dan asks softly. Phil grins and nods enthusiastically. 

Dan leans over, and this time when he kisses Phil, all he feels is happiness. 

Dan’s heard Martyn and Phil talking about Cornelia before, but this is the first time he’s going to meet her. He barely has any time to think about it before he sees her sat at the table when they head down for dinner. Her hair is bright and curly and her laugh sounds like music. Dan loves her immediately. 

Her face lights up when she sees Dan and Phil enter the room and she gets up to give Phil a big hug. She’s short, but Dan thinks that if she were as tall as them she’d probably be too powerful. 

They share a little joke before she turns to Dan, looking up at him and offering him a genuine smile. 

“You must be the famous Dan?” she asks. Dan laughs nervously and rubs the back of his neck. 

“Famous?” he shoots a look at Phil, who offers him a grin and a shrug. 

He allows himself to be enveloped in Cornelia’s arms and she makes a joke about how she never expected to see another person as tall as her boys. 

Dinner is surprisingly easy; Dan fits into the Lesters’ dynamic perfectly and Phil’s heart warms to see him cheerful and joining in like he’s always been here. His anxiety is eased a little to see Dan charming his parents. Maybe it’ll be easier for Phil to come out if his parents know he’s with someone they like. But he doesn’t want to think about that right now. He just wants to be happy. 

After dinner, Phil really just wants to disappear back up to his room with his new boyfriend but Dan volunteers them to do the washing up. He rolls his eyes but really there’s something he loves about how much Dan wants to please the Lesters. He wants them to think he’s kind and helpful and thoughtful. Dan wants them to want him around, and it warms Phil’s heart, especially because he knows that its working.

They manage to get away before too long, and when Dan closes Phil’s bedroom door behind him, he wishes he was up against it again, getting the welcome Phil had originally intended on giving him. When he looks up, Phil is watching him intently.

“What’cha thinking?” Dan asks, moving towards him. 

Phil smirks, a little nervously. “I’m thinking I kinda want to push you up against that door again.” His smirk falters a little then. “But… only if you want that.” 

Dan laughs a little then. “I was thinking the same thing.” He looks Phil in the eye and tries on his own smirk. “And I definitely want that.” 

It’s only a second more before his back hits the door with an _oof_ and Phil is attacking his mouth. This time he finds it easy to kiss back. His hands roam down Phil’s sides and under his shirt, nails scratching up Phil’s chest. He’s rewarded with a moan for that and laughs through the kiss. He feels a little brave and moves his mouth down to Phil’s jaw and back up to his ear. He takes Phil’s lobe between his teeth and tugs, and Phil whines. 

“Daaan…” 

Dan huffs a laugh and moves his mouth away for a second. “Yes?” 

“You’re the one against the door,” Phil says breathlessly, “I’m the one who’s meant to be doing the teasing.” 

Dan finds a nipple just as he moves his teeth across the shell of Phil’s ear, drawing a longer whine from Phil’s throat. He presses one more kiss behind Phil’s ear before he moves down to give Phil’s neck some attention. 

“You snooze, you lose,” he replies smugly. He’s not used to being this brave around Phil, or _anyone_ for that matter, and he’s enjoying the power while he’s got it. 

Phil’s hands find Dan’s waist and he manages to clear his own head long enough to guide Dan away from the door and on to his bed. They fall over together and Phil takes the second of fumbling to press an open-mouthed kiss to Dan’s neck. He takes his own weight on his hands and knees so Dan can skootch up the bed, and crawls over the top of him as he goes, pressing kisses to his face and neck whenever he can manage. Dan is giggling by the time he reaches the pillows. 

Phil leans down and licks long and slow up Dan’s throat, stopping to mouth and suck at his Adam’s apple. Dan moans a little and begins to tug at Phil’s shirt. Phil keeps going, nipping at Dan’s jaw as Dan pulls Phil’s shirt up. 

Neither of them hear the knock. They’re too wrapped up in the heat of the moment. But they hear the door open, they hear the gasp and the “oh.” from Phil’s mother. They see the door shut behind her and then all Phil can hear is his own heartbeat in his ears. 

“Oh God,” Phil whispers. “Oh God, oh fuck, fuck, _fuck-_ ”

He feels Dan’s hand on his arm. His own face is flushed and there are tears in his eyes. Just seeing him like that leaves Phil choking out a sob. It’s like the floodgates have opened then, and he’s crying. Big, ugly sobs, and Dan doesn’t know what to do. He settles for reaching out to pull Phil’s shirt down from round his chest and running a hand through his hair. When Phil doesn’t resist, Dan moves to envelope Phil in a hug and sits quietly next to him, rubbing his back softly and occasionally pressing a kiss to his forehead. He wants so badly to let his emotions out and cry with Phil, but he holds it in. This is Phil’s moment. 

It takes a few hiccupped breaths before Phil uncurls from himself and looks up at Dan with a worried expression. 

“What are we gonna do?” Phil whispers. He looks like a child, and that scares Dan a lot. 

“I don’t know, baby,” Dan tries on the pet name in the hopes that it will offer Phil some comfort. Phil wraps his arms around Dan’s waist then and allows Dan to manhandle him so they’re lying down together.

In the moments of silence Dan wishes he could do more for Phil. He wishes he knew what to say to fix it. He wishes he could tell Phil it’s all going to be fine. He can’t tell Phil something like that. So he brings his hand up to card through Phil’s hair and scratch across his scalp. Phil leans into the touch a little and Dan smiles. 

“That’s nice,” Phil murmurs. 

“Good,” Dan answers softly. Phil reaches across and kisses Dan’s cheek. 

“You okay, bear?” 

Dan feels like honesty is the best policy, so he shrugs. 

“You wanna talk about it?” 

“Maybe tomorrow,” Dan says softly. “I know this is hard for you, I want you to just have the time to process your own thoughts, you know?” 

Phil looks up at him then, with something in his eye that Dan can’t place. He presses a kiss to Dan’s lips. 

“Thank you,” he says softly, sincerely. “Let me know if you change your mind, yeah?” 

“Yeah.” 

* * *

Dan’s surprised when Phil falls asleep. When he checks his phone it’s one a.m. and he feels wide awake. He leans across to press a fond kiss to Phil’s forehead and extracts himself from Phil’s warm grip. He feels sweaty and he wants a shower, but that’s one way to get himself disliked in the Lester household. That and probably snogging Phil. 

He makes his way downstairs in the hope of finding a cold glass of water. He thinks he’s all alone until he hears the stairs creak behind him and he jumps, but he stands firmly with his back to them. The last thing he wants is to turn around and face whoever is behind him. 

“Dan?” He really didn’t want to hear Kath’s voice, not now. Her voice is tired, though, and he wants to feel sorry for her. 

When he turns to look at her she offers him a gentle smile and he feels something between comfort and terror stir in his gut.

“I thought maybe you’d be Phil,” she tells him. 

Dan feels his hands begin to shake then. Part of him wishes he was Phil, that he wasn’t stood in this kitchen alone with Kath, ready to take the brunt of her anger. The other part of him is glad Phil is upstairs, blissfully unaware of what’s happening below him. Dan wants to take this bullet for him. 

“He’s asleep,” Dan replies softly. Kath smiles fondly. 

“Of course he is.” 

Dan takes a deep breath. He doesn’t want to start this conversation. He doesn’t want this conversation to happen at all, actually. But he also wants it over with. 

“Mrs Lester, I’m… I’m really sorry about earlier-”

“Stop, Daniel.” 

The full name catches him off guard. He’s _really_ in trouble. He feels like his entire aura is nervousness as he looks down at her, shrinking himself back a little bit. If he can curl himself in a little, maybe he’ll feel safer. 

“Sit down, please.” He does. He feels like a doll, rigid and stiff, but he doesn’t want to disobey her. His hands are on the table in front of him and he’s staring at them unblinkingly. 

Kath sits opposite Dan and he doesn’t dare to look up at her. Until he feels her hand on his.

“I don’t want you to be sorry,” she says gently. 

He does look up with her then, and lets their eyes meet.

“Do your parents know about you and Phil, Dan?” 

“No,” he whispers. “I don’t think they’d like it much.” 

Kath’s thumb brushes the back of his hand. “I think you’re a lovely young man, Dan,” she tells him. “And you seem to be making my Phil very happy.” He blushes a little at that. “I can’t pretend I haven’t seen how he lights up when you’re here. I thought you were just good friends.” She rolls her eyes at that, and then fixes Dan with a stern look. “But I don’t want you to think this is bad, okay? And I don’t want you to think that _I_ think this is bad. I love Phil no matter what, and you seem like you’re in the same boat.” 

Dan feels his face go redder. “It’s pretty new, Mrs Lester,” he says quietly. “I think it’s too soon for that.” 

“You can call me Kathryn, Daniel, I’m not your schoolteacher,” she smiles.

Dan doesn’t really remember going back to bed or falling asleep. But he wakes up in an empty bed, which isn’t what he’d wanted or anticipated. 

He gives himself a few minutes before he ventures out of Phil’s room and down the stairs, but he stops himself when he sees Kath and Phil in the kitchen. In an attempt to be stealthy, he gently steps down to the next stair, but it creaks and gives him away. When Phil looks up, his face is streaked with tears but his eyes aren’t upset. He offers Dan a genuine grin, and at that Dan loses all sense of being quiet. 

They meet in the middle, at the bottom of the stairs, and Phil pulls Dan into a tight hug. Kath is close behind, offering a gentle rub to Phil’s back and flashing Dan a soft, safe smile. 

* * *

Turns out the honeymoon phase is a lot more intense when they don’t have to hide it. It starts small: a peck on the cheek over their morning coffee, sitting a little closer to each other than before when they watch TV with the Lesters. Phil even lets himself get brave enough to put an arm on the sofa behind Dan. He sees the look of pride from Martyn and suddenly feels very overwhelmed. It’s not a bad feeling, though. It’s _acceptance_. And it’s all he’s ever wanted. 

Phil never let himself imagine a world where he was out to his parents. It was too far out of reach. Even today, he’s barely been able to think about it properly without getting overly emotional. But now, lying in bed with a hand in Dan’s hair, he feels like he can finally address it. 

“They know,” Phil whispers. Today’s been a lot, and he can’t quite comprehend it. Saying it out loud makes it real, and somehow that’s not as scary as he imagined. 

Dan looks up at him softly. 

“How are you feeling about that?” 

“It’s pretty crazy,” Phil murmurs. “I never really thought it’d happen.” He takes a deep breath, resettles his hand in Dan’s slowly-curling hair, and scratches a little. “How are _you_ feeling about that?” 

Dan pauses. He hasn’t allowed himself to think too much about his own feelings today. “It’s… kinda scary,” he admits. “I feel like I’ve never been out to anyone before.” 

“You’re out to me,” Phil offers.

“You’re different,” Dan replies. It feels harsh, in a way. But Phil is his safe place. He can tell Phil anything and know he won’t be judged. “You’re you.” Phil’s parents are in a different league. 

“I know,” Phil whispers. He pulls Dan’s fringe back and presses a kiss to his forehead. “Is it… okay, though? I don’t want you to feel uncomfortable here.” 

“It’s strange,” Dan says. “But it’s not bad. It’s just… new territory, you know?” 

Phil nods. He _does_ know. 

“It’s pretty good, though,” Dan grins. Phil hums in question. “Now you get to kiss me whenever you want.” 

Phil huffs a laugh. He takes a quiet breath before he pounces, tackling Dan underneath him and peppering kisses across his face and neck. Dan squeals and laughs, squirming a little but making no attempt to push Phil away. They struggle like this for a few seconds before they hear a thud through the wall and a “shut up!” from Martyn. 

“Sorry!” Dan yells back through another laugh. He reaches out to jab Phil in the rib. “That’ll teach you,” he giggles. 

Phil is red in the face and grinning a little sheepishly, and it’s the first time that Dan thinks Kath might have been right. Maybe he is a bit in love with this boy. The thought is scary for a second, and then Phil flops back down with his arm out for Dan to slide in beside him. They fit perfectly together, with Dan under Phil’s arm, a hand over Phil’s waist. It’s still scary, but it feels _right_. Dan’s going to do everything he can to make that feeling overpower the fear. He’s allowed to be in love with Phil. 

When Dan stirs the next morning the room is freezing, and he looks up to find Phil huddled in the duvet with nothing left for him. He frowns for a second before reaching for his phone from the nightstand. As freezing as he is, he can’t deny that Phil looks adorable like that. 

He doesn’t even have the heart to wake Phil. One of Phil’s hoodies is on the floor so he grabs it and pulls it up over his head before sneaking out the room to find something to warm him up. 

Nigel is in the kitchen when he gets downstairs. He hesitates a little at first; he hasn’t had any time alone with Phil’s dad since Kath and Nigel found out about… well, him and Phil. It scares him a little, but he takes a deep breath and braves his way in. Nigel glances up at him as he walks in and offers him a nod, before picking a pen up and going back to the crossword in the morning paper. 

“There’s some water boiled in the kettle for you and Phil,” Nigel says. His voice is gruff and tired, but kind. 

“Thank you, Mr Lester,” Dan says quietly. Nigel looks up again. 

“I’m surprised my wife hasn’t told you off for saying that yet.”

“Oh, uh. She has,” Dan murmurs. “I just feel rude otherwise.”

“No need for that,” Nigel says gently. “I think we’re going to be seeing a lot more of each other what with you and Phil being… together.” He hesitates for a second before offering Dan an encouraging smile. “It’d be nice to be on a first name basis.” 

Dan smiles softly. “Okay. Thanks, uh. Nigel.” 

He gets a proper warm smile, then.

When Dan pushes through the door back to Phil’s room he finds Phil sat up in bed, scrolling on his phone. He’s still cocooned in the duvet and Dan rolls his eyes. 

“You better give me some of that duvet or you don’t get coffee.” 

Phil makes a mock whining sound and manages to untangle himself, lifting the duvet for Dan to squeeze in next to him. He places both their mugs on the table to cool and reaches over to press his hands to Phil’s belly. 

“Hey!” Phil jumps. “Get your freezing hands off me!” 

Dan laughs and lets up. “If you hadn’t stolen all the covers and left me out to die of cold you wouldn’t have to worry about my freezing hands.” 

“Speaking of cold,” Phil grins, “Have you looked out the window today?” 

Dan turns around to peak out the curtain and gasps. 

“Snow!” he turns back to Phil to see his face lit up. They sit and grin at each other for a second before they both reach to down their coffees and get outside. 

The snow is the best Phil has seen for a long time, and Dan keeps telling him it’s better than any snow he’s ever seen in Reading. It’s still falling by the time they get outside and Dan opens his mouth and sticks his tongue out to catch some. Phil laughs at him and Dan pushes a hand out to shove him in the face. He makes a little “aha!” noise when a flake lands in his mouth. 

Phil is ready to shove him back but he stops to admire Dan a second. His face is flushed, his cheeks and nose bright red and his grin stretches all the way to his eyes. He really is beautiful. 

Dan stops when he sees Phil staring at him a little dazedly. “You okay?” he asks softly. 

Phil’s hands find the straps that hang off his stupid, cute little fluffy hat and he pulls him in. Their mouths find each other easily and Phil kisses him as softly and lovingly as he can. As they pull away, he grins wolfishly and snatches the hat from Dan’s head. 

“Hey!” Dan lunges for him, laughing and slipping a little. Phil didn’t think it possible for him to look even prettier, but now here he is, curly hair flopping over his face, snow catching in it and giving him little flecks of white that just make him look a little more ethereal. 

They laugh a little while as they chase each other round, but Dan sees his chance the second Phil’s back is turned. He scoops up a little snow in his hand and makes his move, pulling Phil’s coat back and dropping the snow under his shirt. 

The way Phil shoots forward is _completely_ worth the war that breaks out between them. Dan had the element of surprise but Phil has the real upper hand: an older brother and twenty-two years of snowball fighting experience. His back is freezing but he’s quick to retaliate, spinning round and dumping his own lot of snow down Dan’s front. Then, all hell breaks loose. They spend a good half an hour chasing each other round and pitching snowballs. In the end Dan calls a truce, and they head inside, freezing and dripping wet. 

“Shoes off!” Kath yells at them. “You two silly boys had better go and get in the shower before you catch a cold, go on.” 

They’re still laughing as they make their way up the stairs. Phil grabs them each a towel from the cupboard and walks into the bathroom. He frowns when he sees Dan head into Phil’s room. 

“Where are you going?” 

“Oh,” Dan says, “Am I showering first?” Phil rolls his eyes. 

“Well, actually I was thinking that we could maybe shower together?” he gives Dan a cheeky grin and offers a hand to him. Dan is quick to take it and lets out a little yelp as Phil yanks him through the doorway and into the bathroom. 

It’s a bit scary, undressing in front of Phil. Which is strange, Dan thinks, when they’ve already done the whole naked thing. But that was under covers, where he could hide himself. Now he’s about to strip bare in front of his boyfriend with nowhere to hide. 

It gives him a little confidence when Phil reaches behind himself and pulls off his own sweater with no hesitation. His t-shirt comes off next, and then he’s half naked in front of Dan. 

Taking a deep breath, Dan pulls off his own (well, it’s Phil’s really) hoodie and shirt, before taking a bold step and undoing the belt on his jeans. Phil steps forward to help him out of his jeans and pants, and then he really is naked. His arms self-consciously wrap around his torso, but Phil’s hands catch his and pull him forwards a little. 

Phil’s mouth finds Dan’s neck and he presses a hot kiss there. 

“You’re so beautiful.” Those three words send a shiver down Dan’s spine and make it a little easier to relax his limbs and show himself to Phil. 

It doesn’t take Phil long to rid himself of the rest of his clothes, and soon they’re both in the shower, under the boiling water. They’re exploring themselves in a way they haven’t before. It’s a little scary, but it’s fun and exciting. At least, it is until Phil slips and nearly falls on his ass. 

They give up on that venture then, and set to work on getting each other clean. It’s more intimate than Dan expected to have Phil manhandle him around to massage shampoo into his hair. When they turn around so Dan can return the favour, he tugs on Phil’s hair and earns a little whine in return. Smirking, Dan stores that away for later. 

It seems like they’ve managed to get away with their shower adventure without being caught, and Phil is pretty proud of them for that. So he’s not prepared to see Cornelia waiting outside the bathroom for her turn, and _she’s_ not prepared to see two boys emerge from the steamy room. She quirks an eyebrow at them and they both find themselves turning beet red. 

She shakes her head and presses a finger to her lips. Phil thanks her silently and they both dart back into Phil’s room to finish what they started. 

* * *

It’s almost more intimate to wake up naked in Phil’s arms than it is having sex. He’s beautiful, though. His mouth is open a little, his hair is a mess. Phil hasn’t shaved since Dan’s been here and now he’s starting to grow a little bit of stubble. It’s _hot_. Dan never used to think body hair was that attractive, but it’s always been a different story with Phil. One of his favourite things to do is rake his hands through the coarse hair on Phil’s chest. He reaches out now, scratches his nails lightly through his chest hair. Half of him wants to wake Phil, the other half of him is content to watch him sleep. 

A muffled groan from Phil lets Dan know he’s waking up, albeit reluctantly. He presses a kiss to Phil’s cheek and thumbs one of his nipples. In return, Phil rolls over with a whine and buries his face in Dan’s neck. 

Maybe it takes them another hour to make it out of bed. What of it? It’s their last day of lazing around before Dan’s train home. If they want to enjoy it, who’s going to stop them? 

They’re out the door as fast as possible once they’re showered and dressed. It would’ve been impossible to keep Dan from going outside today; there’s something about snow that makes him fall in love with the world a bit. It’s beautiful, and Dan wants to experience it properly with Phil before he goes home.

It’s surprisingly quiet for how close to Christmas it is. Dan’s used to a bustling city at this time of year. The snow is still fresh and untouched, and they barely see another person as they walk through the village. It’s like it’s all been laid out just for them. 

Phil manages to sneak a snowball at Dan when he’s not looking. It smacks the back of his head and Dan yells out a curse at him, before diving down for his revenge. He’s quick to throw a snowball back, but Phil dodges it and Dan glares at him mockingly. 

“You’re lucky I love you, Lester.” 

Phil stops dead in his tracks. Dan frowns at him a second before it registers what he’s said. 

“I- I mean-”

Phil reaches forward and grabs Dan’s hand, interlocking their fingers. They’ve never held hands in public before, in this tiny village where anyone could see, where everyone knows everyone, where rumours spread like wildfire. It speaks volumes to Dan before Phil’s even opened his mouth. 

“I love you too, Howell.” 

Things are a little different after that. Dan catches Phil looking at him a few times, but Phil doesn’t try to hide it. Just offers Dan a wide grin or a smirk or a wink. It makes him a little weak, and that’s hard to deal with when they’re out in the open. 

Kath makes sure to give Dan a good send off meal. 

“You’re one of my boys now,” she tells Dan as he helps her carry some dishes through, “And you’ll get the same treatment when you go away as these two do.” 

It overwhelms Dan in a really strange way. He never expected that kind of acceptance from _anyone_ , let alone an adult. He spends a little too long thinking about it while they do the dishes after dinner, and pulls her in for a hug with a watery laugh. He’s not sure he could really explain to her what it means to him to feel acceptance like this. So he tries to encompass it in that hug, and in the “thank you, Kath” he whispers in her ear when she laughs and says “what’s this for?” like she really doesn’t understand what she’s done for him. 

Dan and Phil have their own private Christmas in Phil’s room that night. They exchange gifts and _I love you_ s. And when Phil tells Dan he has one more gift for him, he takes Dan apart in the gentlest and most loving way he can. It’s beautiful and special, and for the first time Dan really understands what people mean when they talk about making love. 

They fall asleep in each other’s arms for what they know is the last time for at least a few weeks, and it’s really perfect. 

Dan really doesn’t want to get up. It’s warm, and there are arms around him. There are lips on his neck, and then there are teeth grazing his skin. The hands on his stomach begin to roam and he squirms a little at the tickle. 

“Morning, you,” he croaks out. Phil hums. 

“S’not morning yet,” Phil grumbles back, pressing a sloppy open mouthed kiss at the top of Dan’s spine. “Not allowed to be morning.” 

Dan rolls over and looks Phil in the eye. He opens his mouth to say something but Phil is quick to cover it with his own, whining a little and allowing his hands to scratch down Dan’s sides and across his back. Dan makes a noise in between a hum and a moan, pulling away reluctantly. 

“C’mon,” he says, a little sadly. “We gotta get up.” 

It’s strange how much Dan really doesn’t want today to happen. He knows it won’t be more than a week before they’re planning to meet up again, but this trip has been special. He came here terrified of change, and he is leaving with the certainty that the only changes between them have been for the best. It feels like an age since he was on the train up from Reading, and he wishes it was another age before he has to leave. 

Dan makes sure he savours watching Phil boil the kettle for their coffee. It’s easy to imagine a world where this is their norm, where waking up to kisses and making coffee together is an everyday routine. He thinks about his university application, sitting nearly finished on his laptop at home. Manchester is his top choice. His heart warms at the idea that one day Phil will be a bus ride away, rather than a three hour train journey. It’s almost within his grasp, and he can’t wait. 

The radio switches on and it pulls Dan from his thoughts. Phil has turned back around to finish their coffee, and Dan lets himself be distracted. There’s a little chatter from the presenters before he hears the unmistakable Christmassy intro to _Stay Another Day_. 

Dan rolls his eyes and lets out a slightly watery laugh. He feels immediately clingier, and moves to slot himself behind Phil, wrapping his arms around Phil’s waist and tugging backwards a little. 

“Hey, steady on,” Phil laughs, but goes easily. Dan turns his head to press his ear into Phil’s back firmly before leaning to the side a little. Phil gets the hint and they begin to sway a little. Phil’s given up on their coffee now, and twists himself in Dan’s arms so they can slow dance properly. His hands find Dan’s waist and Dan’s arms wrap familiarly round Phil’s neck. Fingers come up to play with the hair at the nape of Phil’s neck and they move with each other like they’ve been doing it their whole lives. Dan almost feels like they have. 

As the song finishes, they find themselves with their foreheads pressed together. 

“Love you,” Dan whispers. The words still feel like they hold so much meaning. Maybe it stays like that forever. Dan’s ready to find out. 


End file.
